You Don't Need Another Hero

Heroes. We all have them. My heroes tend to be literary heroes and, lately, beer heroes. More than anyone else in our country, no one combines the two like Oregon's own Fred Eckhardt. For those of you who don't know Fred, that's OK-- I'm so embarrassed that you need not be. Fred is a long time beer scribe and aficionado, who has done more for Oregon beer and beer appreciation than this modest blog could ever hope to describe. Plus, how can you not admire a man who makes a living off drinking beer, writing about beer, and pairing food with beer?

I met Fred for the first time the other day and had a beer with him, which gave me an indescribable amount of pleasure (you should read what he says about me in his blog). Now, those of you who know even a little bit about Fred and Portland will say that tracking him down and talking to him over a beer is about as tricky as getting a girl in strip joint to take her clothes off, given Fred's seemingly ubiquitous nature and love of beer. You are basically correct (and I will probably run into him tomorrow at the Oregon Brewer's Festival) but I will point out that it gives me an indescribable amount of pleasure to see a woman take her clothes off, too, so there. Take joy in the everyday.

Before I get to the momentous meeting, I want to share some other run-ins I've had with heroes and those I would most like to meet. I should note that I have tended to shy away from trying to meet writers I admire; working at author's readings has made me realize how insufferable the fans are (not to mention the writers) and it's usually very disappointing for me to meet someone I admire anyway. I am of the camp (it's a small camp) that if you have a question for an author, you should re-read their work. Numerous times. If you still want to know something, ask yourself why you want to know. If you think you have an important reason, ask a book person smarter than you the question (deleuzian@yahoo.com). If you aren't satisfied with the answer, do some research. If you must, read biographical materials to see if you gain any insight, though I would advise against going that route. And, if you still want to know, write a letter or send a short e-mail. For some reason, it's OK to write a long letter, but if you send an e-mail it must be short.

So, when I meet someone I like, I pretty much want to have a beer with them (surprise!!). When I used to smoke, smoking was good, too.

Heroes I've met: (Some name dropping follows:)

Christopher Hitchens: Lunch at a BAR. We smoked and drank a lot of BEER. Basically, he was supposed to have lunch with faculty members at the University of Cincinnati, but they were afraid of him, so he ended up with the graduate students. We had a great conversation about Martin Amis (they practically grew up together and I believe are still best friends or very close at least) and sex and alcohol; it was mostly the two of us with another colleague happy to watch the fireworks. Hitchens pretty much held his own. Very generous and much more munificent than I would have ever guessed. (I should note that we had lunch years ago before he went crazy.) Rating =10

Martin Amis: Pretty boring. A book reading in Austin. We chatted afterwards for only moments and did have a cigarette outside. He was very nervous and perhaps on cocaine. I gave him a hard time for his sentimental essay on Pride & Prejudice (which is extraordinary) and I think he was too addled to give me a real response, because I was brilliant. I would say I was unprepared for this meeting, because if I had had a flask of alcohol, I think we would have had a drink out in the parking lot where we smoked. Rating = 5

Richard Powers: A series of meetings over a week or so. I drank heavily and I do not believe he did, but I was too drunk to notice. He doesn't do book tours or signings (won't, in fact, sign a book) and isn't great with people. I was in a no-win situation, because I admired him so much at the time and he is incredibly bad at dealing with people who admire him a lot, which all his fans do. Still, an amazingly nice guy and generous. (Just read any interview with him and see how nicely he leads along the idiotic interviewer.) The highlight was when I was leaving a party with my girlfriend and professor and we were getting our coats. I saw his shadow projecting in front of us (he's like 8 feet tall to people who are my height) and, without turning around, asked my professor, "Did I ever tell you about the time I was in a coat closet with Richard Powers?" See, it wasn't that great. Rating = 4

PJ Harvey: At concerts across the country. I drink and do not think she does. Also, the conversation is a bit one-sided (I LOVE YOU!!) and she doesn't particularly seem to acknowledge me in any way. It's pretty much the best relationship I've ever been in. Rating = 10

Heroes I'd like to meet:

Jonathan Franzen = Understand I liked this guy a lot before you knew who he was. We have corresponded but never met. I would have stood a much better chance of having a beer with him before Oprah made him famous, so I guess I hate her for that, too.

Steve Erickson = He is an off kilter LA novelist kind of like Jonathan Carroll, but much better and much, much less renown. He would actually be pretty easy to have a beer with if I made an effort.

Haruki Murakami = Eventually, Murakami might give a lecture I might attend, but I will almost certainly never get to sit down with him over a drink. He was in Portland recently and did sign a copy of After Dark for me, which is no small coup.

George R R Martin = I don't read genre novels, so why he is a hero of mine, I can't really say. Except that his work is borderline brilliant and he likes strippers, football, and beer. If I am still out of work in September, I will be sorely tempted to see if I can drive to Santa Fe and watch the Patriots (me)- Jets (him) game with him, which would be extremely special, for him. A helluva generous guy, who advertises where he'll be, just so fans can have a beer with him. I'm sure we'll have a drink someday.

Without further adieu, here's my dinner with Fred:

Last Thursday, at the Concordia Ale House, the Concordia Cup tasting was going on. Basically, you plunk down $10 for 10 (taster) beers and vote for your favorite.

Here are some facts we need to get straight: (BEFORE Fred sat down next to ME)

I tasted the first beer and rated it. I then drank and rated all the other beers in order. I then tasted all the beers again. After I was done trying them all twice, I re-rated only the first beer and raised its score, while leaving all the other beers the same.

Also, I wrote down in my notes that it was a very ODD collection of beers.

Fred sits down next to me. He is pretty much talking to someone else for the next half hour or so. Once I am sure it's him, I ask him at some point what he thinks of the beers.

"Well, it's a very ODD assortment of beers we have here."

I cover up my notes. How did this this guy make a living before sitting next to me and peering over my shoulder?

Later, we enjoy an conversation and he is tickled when I call him "sir" and tell him what he has written lately, which is typical sycophantic stuff, but it worked in this case, likely because he was drinking and couldn't remember what he had written lately.

"Well, which beer do you like best, sir?" I cover my notes.

"Understand that my tastes should not be your tastes." Nice try, but I don't move my hands. "I think this first beer here is the best. It was a bit ODD at first, but the more I drink it, I think it's got a nice complexity, etc." geeky beer talk follows.

Not my favorite beer, but a good one. And, nice work for Fred seeing that I upgraded the score. Very nice work indeed.

In all truth, I was very flattering to him, as I am an admirer, but I mostly kept it toned down and very much enjoyed speaking to him. Kidding aside (although it's all true, except my wicked slant), he was extremely gracious and friendly, easy to talk to and we shook hands when I left, always extremely important.

Though, I have to say, I will be reading his next few columns very closely.